Writing session of August 11, 1998
The topic of the day is “How I choose to be remembered.”
“Wit and wisdom of an almost crone, to be read in 2020.
Dear Martina, Isabelle, Julien and Hanah,
By the time you read this I will probably have left this glorious earth. Perhaps some of you are already parents, passing on your skills, knowledge, zest, awarenesses to the next generation. Someday a curious nine year old will ask, “Mom, what was your grandma like?”
Right now you kids only know certain facets of me-the kinds that show on our three times a year visits: my joyousness, bounce, empathy, involvement in all kinds of dance. But there’s another world under that one, a world only certain people know. It’s not that I’m so secretive; its just that situations that foster sharing that world don’t come up very often. These writings may reveal a bit of this world, but not the full geography.
One facet: I’ve always had great trouble being a “be-er” rather than a do-er. Be on the go, accomplish, be productive, travel, teach, bike, hike, milk life for all it’s worth. Slowing down in my 70’s has been a stormy unreality.
Another facet: my constant drive to simplify, get organized, stick to goals.
Third: my existential lonliness, despite kin, friends, community. An ever present longing for more closeness and depth-these constantly elude me.
Fourth: the respect I get from others for my ability to be a catalyst. Don’t know that? Call Lori Goldschmidt. Can’t find that? Ask Lori G.
Fifth: my deep grief over the declining environment and disappearance of species. I often walk around with a heavy heart after hearing about some new earthly catastrophe. I think I spent a year grieving over the oil spill in Prince William Sound. At the same time I had a lot of guilt for not donating more time and money to environmental causes.
Sixth, and last: my naivete about many matters, mainly political. I so often found myself overhearing conversations and not having the slightest idea what the people were talking about. Yet feeling I “should” know.
Enjoy my musings. Pass them on to your kids. Be well, stay in touch. Do good works.
Love, Grandma